sarah

I had been married for 5 years and had lost one baby and had another who was autistic. So, I decided to adopt a baby. It took about two years, but I adoped a beautiful baby girl and name her Sarah. She had big blue eyes and curly blonde hair and was like a little angel. Everywhere we went, people stopped us to say how beautiful our little girl was. She was also very smart and had a smile for everyone. I felt that I had been given a gift that I could never be thankful enough for. We took her to New York to see Broadway plays, to California, and everywhere else we went. One day when she was 3 1/2, I left her home with the nanny for an hour while I went out to lunch with a friend. When I returned 1 hour later there where police cars parked all ovcer my front lawn. I learned that my daughter had been taken by helicopter to the hospital. She had fallen in the pool. I rushed to the hospital thinking that I would get there and she would be fine. But, that was not what happened. She did not make it.



All of my friends and family gathered to console me and I appreciated it. But my heart was broken. I felt as if part of my heart had been ripped out. I spent the next six months sitting home feeling like I did not want to live. How could God do this. It was impossible. After a while all of the family and friends went home and I was left with my grief. I started thinking about what I was going to do. I decided I had three choices: I could sit home and continue to feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life, and maybe end up in an institution; I could kill myself; or I could get up, get dressed and go on with my like, because nothing was going to bring her back. Additionally, I realied that althorugh my friends were sympathetic and concerned, noone wants to be with someone who is always sad and down. So, I picked myself up and got dressed and put a smile on my face and joined the world again, even though I was and always will be aching inside.



As I look back now at that time, I feel like the whole episode and all of the bad feelings surrounding it are like a black hole. If I ever go near that hole, I will fall in and never be able to crawl out again. So, whenever I think about Sarah, I think about the good times and the good feelings and never think about the sorrow of loosing her. I eventually adopted another little girl who is beautiful and who I love with all of my heart. She has brought my so much joy because of who she is, not a replacement, but a gift from God.