Things are not always as they seem

Be careful of the clock ticking... I was desperate to have children and thought that it could be done without love. Having had my heart broken the first time around I looked for all the opposite qualities in the next person I was to be with. I was not going to allow anyone to be that close to hurt me again.While I thought I had found the perfect father for my children I found a fraud. He was all the things I thought I wanted before the marriage and children. After my daughter was born things changed drastically. From an attentive compassionate man he went to a selfish evil child. Never once did he get up for the crying baby. When then to my surprise I was pregnant with my son only 5 months after the birth of my daughter. After his birth things went from bad to worse. He was a lying evil man. Here's the irony, I only married him because I thought he would be a wonderful father to the children I wanted desperately. He turned out to be the worst father imaginable. Thank goodness he has left their lives completely. While in most cases they say a father involved is good no matter how bad. This is a very destructive person we are all glad to be rid of... The moral of the story as my son told me one day " don't you know you have to be in love?" Unfortunetely while he did not hurt me that deeply because remember I didn't let him in. He hurt the kids more deeply than I imagined possible. It is hard enough to make it through the grind of life but if you are doing it with someone you are not crazy about who turns out to be a physcho it is not worth doing at all.

Hopefully one day I will stop being the jaded person I have become and let someone in!!!!